Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas

It's Christmas morning and I am where every loving mother is on her daughter's third Christmas. I am at work. Where I've been for every major holiday and social event since the day she was born. I'm living in the Pediatric ER this month so now I get to bring all the coughs and colds home to share with her. Who says I never bring her anything nice. We have been rocked and rolled as usual for a holiday, but not as bad as the big room. They've been turning over the Trauma Bay all night long. 18 traumas, four GSW's, one pediatric full arrest and a partridge in a pear tree. Oh wait, that's not how your version goes.



It's never a holiday without at least one dead kid. Every holiday goes horribly wrong for at least one family. There was last Mother's Day when dad was drunk and turned in front of a car. Killed mom and the kid in the back, the other kids survived to be shipped off to grandmas and watch their Dad get taken away for vehicular manslaughter. I'm guessing no ones going to forget that little Kodak moment. And forget about the commercial. This Thanksgiving I intubated two kids, one lived, one died. Ahh, the stories I could tell. I probably will tell given enough time. That Pediatric resuscitation room has put more cracks in my soul then anywhere else in this hospital. It is the one place that reminds me of how much I still have to learn and of the fleeting nature of life. The holidays, they just shatter you.

I've learned to control a lot of how I feel and react. I've taught myself to toughen up. There are so few things that get my adrenaline to flow anymore but half dead, sick as shit kids rattle my cage,. There's so many different tube sizes and equipment, their vital signs are all over the place. Every drug you give is based on how much they weigh and as if that isn't bad enough their weight is calculated in kilograms. Are you kidding me, in the middle of this grand cluster fuck known as a Pediatric trauma, I have to deal with the metric system. These are the moments your high school algebra teachers never told you about.

So what to tell you . The kids seized, then stopped breathing then died. Just like one did in ER's all across this country tonight. It doesn't ever stop in my world, not even for the holidays. Merry Christmas. I'm going to go open presents with my daughter now.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

This Christmas in our ER a family showed up, two parents, two children. They had two wrapped presents for our ER. They were greatful that we were there on this Christmas day, as every Christmas they have visited since their 6 year old son had died and we had taken care of him. The 6 year old was building a tree house with his father in the back yard when a freak accident happened and a old dead tree fell over on him. This family doesn't have their 6 year old to celebrate Christmas with...they chose to remember us and not let this child's memory disappear. Moments before this family arrived we were all making fun of "Migraine Mark" in room 3, and even scoffing at "Back-Pain Billy"...this family made us kinda take a step back and examine ourselves...we WERE here in the ER for everyone who visited today and each one of us got to go home and open presents with our families...Sometimes it really sucks having to be there (ER) on holidays, but that little 6 year old boy needed us one day and the family will never forget our devotion...Even though he passed they were not bitter about it, but share ever Christmas with us...Hug your daughter today and keep blogging...you have come a long way over the past few years...

Jean Carlos said...

So, I had some extra hours (can't sleep)and I decided to read all 20 something of your blog entry's since 2006. Now that I am nearing the end I have no idea what I think about you. In many posts, the vast majority, you come off as a heartless bitch. And then there are those post where I feel so sorry for you. I have concluded that you are more then likly a bitch that has gone through some horrible things. Best of luck to you and your family...

FridaWrites said...

I just saw this comment, though I'd read the post before. What the f* kind of person what write that? I hope you know this is just another abuser.

I've read your blog and what this guy says is just wrong.