Friday, November 17, 2006

Moving On

Wow, I got a lot of responses for my previous blog and it was well appreciated. I 've just started Neurology and I'm feeling a bit ambivalent about it. I don't enjoy the brain. I don't really care what it does, or how facinating most people think it is. It's just a pile of pink jello as far as I'm concerned, or at least that's they way it looks splattered on a gurney.
I suppose I dislike the brain because it's like a very fragile toy, once you break it you generally can't fix it. How boring is that. Some people get a kick out of seeing the neuro problem and trying to figure out where the problem is. I'm not one of those people. I'm not even distantly related to one of those people.
Most of my patients can generally be seperated into two groups. Old people with strokes and young people with brain tumors. It sucks for the young people. There's just no getting around the fact that it's over for them before it even started. Down in the ED you watch their scans come up and we all say" Dammmnn" as you watch this huge mass appear where normal brain should be. There's just not a whole lot you can do about it. Take the trip you always wanted, forget studying for college exams, you will not grow old with someone. You will never grow old. And the old people don't get much of a break either. This is it for them. Today you find out what will kill you. Now it may not be the stroke that kills you but you have now begun the decline that will only end in your death.
I suppose it must be weird knowing what your going to die from. I have no idea what's going to get me. Most people don't until the last minute. I wonder if that's one of the last things that goes through your brain after you get shot or in a car crash. This is how I die. Weird. Anyway....moving on.


Anonymous said...

I usually love your blog. I don't konw why. You really are one of the most depressing bloggers out there. You hate your job. You are always tired. You're not interested in anything. You should move on. Your blogs are depressing the hell out of me...except for the one blog where you were happy. But I forgot about what because most of them are depressing. I don't mean to be an ass. You just depress me.

medstudentitis said...

I am SO with you on the not liking neuro thing. I'm currently studying for my neuro block exam and seriously, it's killing me. Neuro = suck.

Anonymous said...

I love your blog! Frankly, much of your complaining is, to me at this late time in my life, very funny. You are young. You don't know that many of life's situations offer much the same that you suffer now....without the particular pay-off you can expect. But don't stop complaining. It's healthy. Keeps you focused on what you do want for your life. And you'll get there.

Anonymous said...

Where are you? Come back now!

Veronica said...

Anybody in there??
Where's the updates?
We need more blog!

SeaSpray said...

I do like your blog!

When I was 17, I totaled a car. My fault. A guy's fancy sports car, that he let me drive after my aunt said "don't let her drive - she's never driven at night.

My idea to race friends to a pizza place. The 3 of us weren't wearing seat belts. I was driving fast, windows down to "long cool woman with a black dress". You know that place in time where you feel one with the music, your friends and life?

It was a blast, except that I got startled by the oncoming car lights, jammed on and locked the breaks. Our car swerved to the right, back to the left and crossed
the road just behind the other car.
It smashed into an embankment with tall grass and popped up into the air. That is the last thing I remember - the car lights on the tall grass contrasted against the dark nite. No one screamed and my last thought was "Here we go" and not even panicky but resigned to our fate.

I later learned that it did a nose dive down into the valley and rolled. Both of our heads hit the windshield, causing the shattered effect with a pinhole in the middle of each. The guy in the back had his back hit the back window, which popped out, but he didn't.

The guys were treated and released that night but I stayed admitted with a concussion and other stuff for a couple of days.

Sorry I typed all that. It all transpired in seconds. I have been concerned about surgery. Gee, if we survived this, then I really should trust it will go well.

People die for so much less in a car accident. Seems there's no rhyme or reason to it sometimes.